Last Rites… The Conjuring of a Façade

Ed and Lorraine Warren were characters in their own story.

It's only fitting that it be sensationalized and played out by Hollywood actors.

It makes for a better story than the one they lived—and this remains true no matter what version we decide to believe.

The Conjuring films are among my favorites in the paranormal phenomena genre, largely because the endearing family melodrama is as much fun as the jump scares.

It’s unlikely that anyone married as long as the Warrens would remain so romantic or wholesome, even if they were genuinely decent people, which the available evidence gives us some cause to doubt.

The spirits and demons are more believable!

But something about pure schmaltz, combined with harrowing tales of demonic possession, makes for a series of films that remain something worth watching with the kids on Halloween.

Last Rites is no exception.

One of the highlights of the film is Patrick Wilson as Ed, conjuring (pun intended!) his best overprotective dad act as a reaction to the engagement of the Warrens’ daughter Judy. The interplay between Ed and fiancé Tony (well played by Ben Hardy) is quick and slick and as cheesy as a 1950s sitcom.

The R rating for the movie makes little sense. Yes, there is blood and gore, but it barely scratches the surface of the truly graphic, especially since it is obviously CGI. One almost wonders if the studio encouraged the rating to make it seem like it would be darker than it is.

The Conjuring movies, to me, portray an America we might all wish we really lived in, where people with earnest family values overcome their fear of the unknown to fight off terrible evil; but what really haunts us in the modern U.S.A. is a history of false claims to grand egalitarian virtues used as a facade to manipulate and coerce the citizenry to stand in lines, pay fines, and fight unwinnable wars for the profit of a few.

It's hard not to suspect that what many of the Warrens’ detractors say about them isn’t similarly true: they made their money running a ruse, selling themselves (and many books and lectures) as wholesome fighters of evil, but really giving us the usual paranormal carnival show.

What an interesting parallel they offer, then, to the times through which they lived.

Regardless, it sure does make for some good old-fashioned silly cinema. It works on many levels. We go in knowing what to expect—a gilded, innocent lie—and we get it.

Unlike the jump scares, it comes as no surprise, and to those who complain about the obvious falsity of it all, I might remark that this is a good time to remind their kids that “based on a true story” means “this is a fictional account of the boring life we went to this movie to escape”.

And that’s a damn good thing, dear reader.

I hope your life is boring, because somewhere, real life horrors are playing out behind the curtains, and human hands are doing the dirty work.

Though you can be sure that if they get caught, they’ll tell you the devil made them do it.